


Shaken

by kaynibbler16



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, GitF, girl in the fireplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaynibbler16/pseuds/kaynibbler16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events on board the spaceship with windows to 18th century France, the Doctor and Rose have been walking on thin ice with each other. They both take some time away from each other to contemplate their relationship and what happens next. Takes place after Girl in the Fireplace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows the episode The Girl in the Fireplace. I appreciate feedback, so feel free to leave any criticisms or comments.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Rose sat quietly staring at the endless ceiling of stars and galaxies in one of her favorite rooms in the TARDIS. She would find the room when she was upset or when she and the Doctor had come back from a more nerve wracking trip than was normal; not that life with the Doctor was ever remotely normal. However, it was after recent events that Rose found herself here more often than her own room, trying to find some kind of peace from the turmoil that her relationship with the Doctor had become. She’d learned after meeting Sarah Jane that she had to accept that the Doctor had a past and that past may include old friends or possible lovers, but what she was not prepared for was the possibility of a new lover showing up. Rose thought that she and the Doctor were more than friends, but not quite lovers. For a long time she believed that maybe he just did not fall in love with humans because of their short life spans. Outside the chip shop Rose noticed that when the Doctor spoke of how often he had to carry on because his companions left him behind just how much each loss hurt him. Rose began to understand just how his long life truly affected him; he wore his bitter loneliness on his sleeve sometimes. His pain was practically tangible, but she had thought-hoped-that her short tenure in his life might bring him some solace from the endless loss that he felt from lost companions and the aftermath of the Time War. 

However, now it seemed that it was not that the Doctor didn’t fall in love; he just didn’t fall in love with her. With Rose Tyler of the Powell Estate. Shop girl. Nothing in comparison with the Uncrowned Queen of France. “No,” she thought, “I’m not going to do that to myself or Reinette.” Reinette did not deserve Rose’s ire, no matter how jealous Rose felt towards the woman and she was willing to admit she had been jealous. In a few short hours Reinette had done what Rose had been hoping to accomplish in the past year or two she had been with the Doctor. How could Rose not feel envious of the woman, she had managed to snag a kiss from the Doctor, while not possessed no less, unlike Rose. And the Doctor thought Reinette was brilliant and Rose could not deny how poised she acted no matter the situation. She was the epitome of confidence and grace as she awaited the Doctor. In any other situation Rose would have fawned over her as much as the Doctor did, Reinette was nothing short of amazing. So Rose could not fault this brilliant, amazing, confident woman that stared down emotionless clockwork droids.

The one she could fault was the Doctor, and it was not simply because he fell for the beautiful mistress of a king. It was because he stranded both Rose and Mickey on a practically abandoned spaceship, save for the homicidal clockwork droids that wanted to harvest them for parts, that might or might not have all been shut down after the Doctor smashed through the time window. It was his careless actions and negligence for the welfare of his companions that had Rose rather weary of her future with the Doctor. Not only that, but he did not seem to think it necessary to discuss that rather terrifying event after they left the spaceship. And it was terrifying. Rose didn’t know if she would ever see the Doctor again and that scared her. And it made her sad, for herself, for Mickey, but most of all for the Doctor. How could a man who had touched the stars and lived among galaxies possibly settle for a normal life on the slow path?

When he finally managed to return, due to the very clever French mistress whom he was unfortunately unable to return for, she gave him time to mourn for Reinette. Although for leaving her and Mickey behind, Rose felt that she should have given him a piece of her mind (and maybe a bit of the palm of her hand, too), because he had left them to die on spaceship with little to no chance of ever finding them again. Did he even know where the spaceship was, the time period, or even if he could return would it be within an hour after he left? Quite often, his skills at steering the TARDIS were shoddy at best and he might not have found them until a year after he left or, quite possibly, a century. No, nothing, he must have hoped it would all be swept under the rug and never talked about again.

On particularly bad days she would treat the Doctor with angry reticence and try to avoid him as much as possible. On those days he seemed to be hesitant around her and she could tell, although lately he seemed to be much more hesitant anyway. Fine, if he wouldn’t bring it up she’d be damned if she did. Rose was thankful at those moments that Mickey was there, even if at first she was not thrilled to have him tag along on the TARDIS with her and the Doctor, having Mickey there to act as a buffer made it easier for Rose to cope with the Doctor’s hot-and-cold attitude. At first the Doctor seemed rather happy to have Mickey with them, but then he seemed to change his mind the very next day and had been in a right snit ever since. His mood swings were giving Rose whiplash and she was beginning to wonder if his regeneration had gone wrong in some way. For as long as Rose had known him, the Doctor had always been moody, but not like this. This all started right after he regenerated too. Even though Rose did not want to attribute his strange attitude change to his regeneration, it wasn’t until after they arrived on New Earth that she really took notice. 

He left her behind. 

He didn’t wait for her and hopped on an elevator. And because of that, Cassandra was able to get her hands (metaphorically speaking) on Rose’s body.

Rose shuddered as she remembered being compressed by that conceited tarp.

Rose and the Doctor used to be attached-at-the-hip when they went on adventures, they always did things together. Now they were no longer ‘The Doctor and Rose Tyler’ but ‘The Doctor and his hapless assistant Rose Tyler.’ After all, when Sarah Jane made her quip about how young his new assistant was, he didn’t even deny it. 

Rose wasn't his assistant. 

Rose thought that she and the Doctor were friends; equals. Apparently the Doctor no longer believed that. He had when he was all big ears and blue eyes. Gorgeous blue eyes; eyes she would never see again. Eyes that stared at her as though she was most wonderful creature he had ever seen. Now, Rose knew that he may never look at her like that again. It wasn’t that she wanted him to change back; Rose would not ask that of him, at least, not anymore. She just wanted him to still care about her that way. Now she didn’t know what to believe. He claimed he was still the same man, but the same man would not have left her behind on some spaceship; he would take her with him. His feelings had changed. Maybe he didn’t need her anymore.

Rose accepted that the Doctor and her would probably be nothing more than friends, best friends even, she had hoped. And if she wanted any more from him but he didn’t see her that way any longer, what was she to do? Rose couldn’t force his feelings. He would far outlive her anyway and she would have to leave him someday when she was too old to run. 

Or, as Rose thought rather ominously, she just didn’t run fast enough. 

As much as she tried to avoid thinking like that she couldn’t avoid the subject of her own potential death, it was after the spaceship incident she found herself thinking about it moroften; maybe too often. 

What she if just…left? 

He could find another companion, maybe one who was smarter and classier and faster at running and-No!-stop it! Rose dragged herself away from the self-deprecating thoughts that had been filling up her thoughts the past few weeks. There was no point, if the Doctor didn’t think she was good enough he would have left her behind already, wouldn’t he. 

Wouldn’t he? 

Maybe he was waiting for her to get tired of his reluctance and leave of her own volition so he wouldn’t have to break another promise he made to her. But really, he had already left her behind right after he promised not to so what’s one more broken promise?

Rose had to admit, her faith in this new Doctor was beginning to wane because of his carelessness.

Rose sighed despondently, ashamed of her own thoughts but at the same time understanding the small specks of truth in them. Putting her face in her hands for the umpteenth time that night, she heaved another sigh and decided it was probably time that she left the room and went to bed. No use wasting precious hours of rest over thoughts that she’s already spent too many hours pouring over. Getting up she almost fell over because her legs had gone numb. It was when she spent a few moments trying to get the blood flow to return to her legs that she felt just how exhausted she was after the day she had. Hell, after the past few weeks.

Tiredly dragging herself towards the door, she missed the door’s handle turn before she reached it. The door gently swung open to reveal the Doctor with a slightly surprised look on his face, like a child caught doing something he shouldn’t be. Rose didn’t say anything as she just kept on towards the door, but she eyed him carefully. She schooled her expression into a calm poker face, not wanting to give away any of her thoughts and the Doctor visibly winced.

“Rose,” he said softly, looking away from her. “We really need to talk.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story follows the episode The Girl in the Fireplace. I appreciate feedback, so feel free to leave any criticisms or comments.   
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

The Doctor busied himself trying to fix the TARDIS. Weeellllll, fixing the TARDIS might not be right, more like occupying his time with something that really did not need to be fixed. Which he did often; not that he would ever admit that to anyone else. Really, he was just trying to avoid a particular topic by tinkering away under the console. Lately the Doctor had found himself getting easily distracted by a certain young companion of his; a Miss Rose Tyler. On several occasions he found himself letting his gaze linger a bit too long or smiling at even the slightest thing she did. On New Earth he was practically leering at her! It was quite unusual for him, he never liked to become too close to any one of his companions, but with Rose it was getting more difficult each day.

It had become especially difficult since he regenerated, as this new body of his was prone to random hugs and the desperate need to touch Rose.

The Doctor blushed at that thought.

N…Not in any filthy way.

Silly old Time Lord.

But he felt that he simply needed to be in contact with her. This body was very ‘touchy’ and he caught himself wanting to be as close as possible to Rose. When they first met, the Doctor had been drawn in by Rose’s cleverness and tenacity. As they traveled together he discovered her compassionate side and her warmth. She made him smile like he hadn’t since before the Time War. Rose Tyler had saved him, the Doctor. She not only saved him from the Autons the first time they met, as well as a multitude of other malicious creatures; Rose had also saved him from himself. He’d been severely damaged by the Time War and he already lost faith in himself by the time he met his pink and yellow girl.

And she was his.

As much as he tried to deny it for as long as he could, he knew that she was his Rose.

And he was hers, just as she claimed on Satellite 5.

He was her Doctor.

He knew could have taken the Time Vortex out of Rose without kissing her, but he felt that if he was going to regenerate he may as well have the taste of her on his lips before his ninth incarnation died. After all, it was in that body that he fell in love with Rose Tyler, so he felt that his last act should show her just how much she’d meant to him. This basically meant that his tenth incarnation was born from his love for Rose Tyler.

Oh Rassilon, the Doctor groaned, if that’s not just the cheesiest thought.

However, it was true. The moment this incarnation first laid eyes on her, he knew he was gone and it terrified him.

That’s also when he decided to make the worst decision since he met Rose.

Distance, he’d decided rather rashly, he needed to put some distance between them!

He was getting far too attached to her. He couldn’t allow himself to get too invested in his companions because eventually, they all left him. And someday, so would Rose.

The Doctor stopped what he was tinkering with as he felt an acute agony tear through his chest. The thought of losing Rose tore at him so much he could barely breathe. Rose was his savior after the war; she made him better. She made him WANT to be better and not only for her, but for himself as well. Dismally, he thought that if he hadn’t met her in that basement at Henrik’s, he most likely would have sacrificed his own life to save everyone from the Autons. In fact, that was exactly what he had planned on doing. Just end it, he’d thought at the time, you destroyed your own kind, something not even the Dalek’s could achieve. He was quite literally ‘The Great Destroyer,’ so why should he be allowed to live on when his people were gone? If not for Rose being there right when he needed someone, he would have gone through with it. But it wasn’t just that Rose was there at the right time and place; she was exactly what he needed, and she treated him with love and kindness.

And that was precisely what made the past few of weeks so difficult. By trying to put some distance between Rose and him, he’d discovered one very important factor he forgot to add into his plan.

Not being able to be openly close Rose almost caused him physical pain. His mind and body desired her in every way, this caused the Doctor’s blush to increase; the thought of having to withhold his natural tendencies towards Rose was agonizing. He even knew that what he was doing was putting strain on their current relationship. By keeping Rose at arm’s length, the Doctor also managed to put her into harm’s way more than a couple of times. On New Earth with that irritating Cassandra woman/skin/thing; why had he decided it best to go ahead of Rose when he should have waited? With the strain that her brain had already been through because of the Bad Wolf, Cassandra could have permanently damaged Rose’s mind. Even when they met Queen Victoria and the Werewolf he had not been careful enough and she was almost attacked.

He’d told her before that his life was not safe, but he hadn’t meant that it would be because of his lack of attention that would put her in a dangerous position. Apparently this incarnation was rather flighty.

The Doctor felt the TARDIS nudge him with what could only be interpreted as an affirmative to his assumption.

“Hey,” the Doctor said sulkily, “you’re supposed to disagree.”

A rumble from the TARDIS indicated a mocking laugh.

Great, thought the Doctor, now I’ve got two moody females to deal with.

At that exact moment, sparks shot out from some of the wiring. The Doctor yelped and shoved out from underneath the console.

“Oi! No need to get testy!” He growled.

Aggravated that the TARDIS wouldn’t even let him pretend to tinker anymore, the Doctor started pacing around the console. His thoughts drifted back towards the past few weeks.

After the Werewolf incident was a rather nice surprise in the form of his Sarah Jane; although he found out some rather unsettling details surrounding the last time he’d seen her and just what his absence caused. Sarah Jane waited for him and he didn’t know what to say. When Rose cornered him outside that chip shop he’d panicked and, although he said what he felt was necessary, it still pained him to have Rose accuse him of using her. He’d meant that promise that he’d given her, not to leave her behind, but even he wondered if how he could possibly keep it. He had to leave his companions behind because he wanted them to move on with their lives and understand that life with the Doctor really was just an exciting adventure that allowed them witness the tragic beauty of the universe, but it was not forever and someday they would have to travel the slow path.

Oh, the Doctor thought, again with the slow path.

Reinette.

He did not regret meeting such a remarkable woman. He did, however, regret his reaction to her though. A reaction that almost left him stranded in 18th century France. The moment he turned round to look at the broken time window, the implications of what he’d just done hit him full force.

Rose.

Oh Rassilon, what had he done?

Flighty indeed.

He intended to put distance between his self and Rose, but not 3000 years and light years away. 

Reinette proved just as clever as he’d believed; she’d moved that fireplace from her childhood home to the palace, effectively saving him from the slow path and allowing him a way back to his beloved Rose. He had promised to take Reinette to the stars for a trip; such a brilliant woman deserved the stars. However, he did not return in time and she had passed before she had the chance to see them. He was deeply saddened by her loss; she had given him back his stars, but he could not give Reinette hers.

Rose was kind enough to give him space after he’d returned from Versailles. He needed to mourn the Uncrowned Queen.

He would have expected a Tyler-slap after he’d returned, but she simply left him to his thoughts. Mickey had stepped in and lead Rose away, which at first the Doctor was thankful for.

It wasn’t until later that he’d realized that it wasn’t such a good thing.

After 18th century France, Rose started avoiding the Doctor. It was as if she couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. The Doctor was losing his Rose and he didn’t know how to stop it. Not only that, since Mickey and Rose left him to his thoughts after the spaceship, the two had been thick as thieves. The Doctor had already discovered right after bringing Mickey aboard the TARDIS that it was a bad idea.

A terrible, awful, never should have done it, regretted ever allowing him to set foot on his TARDIS, bad idea.

Despite her misgivings at first, Rose bounced right back into her easy not-quite-romantic-relationship with Mickey-the-Tin-Dog.

The Doctor scowled bitterly.

After Reinette, Mickey had replaced the Doctor as Rose’s confidant and well, that was not what the Doctor wanted at all. Frankly, the Doctor didn’t want anything to come in between his relationship with Rose, but now he could see that their carefully buoyant friendship was starting to crack. Little fissures in Rose’s faith in the Doctor had begun to form. If he didn’t fix it soon, he was going to lose Rose for good.

Weelll, he certainly wasn’t going to allow that.

The Doctor knew he was going to have to earn Rose’s trust again if he had any hope of her staying with him.

His mind finally made up, the Doctor set off down a corridor leading away from the console room and he prayed to whatever deity he didn’t believe in that he could get Rose to talk to him and, hopefully, he could save their relationship.

He would get his Rose back if it was the last thing he did; though hopefully not the last thing because he had plans for the two of them, but those would come later.

Good thing was he knew just where to find her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 'talk.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter and it's a long one. I appreciate feedback, so please feel free to leave any criticisms or comments. And thank you for reading. :)  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Rose was surprised to see the Doctor there, but she kept her expression neutral.

“Now?” Rose was not really in the mood to talk, but she could tell by the Doctor’s nervous expression that whatever they needed to discuss was important.

“Um, well, yes.” The confidence the Doctor had when he left the console room suddenly seemed to vanish the moment he set eyes on Rose. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes and debated whether now really was the best time.

Probably not, he thought, but if he didn’t do it now he might never do it. Now was as good a time as any.

Rose sighed. “Okay, but can we at least go to the kitchen so I can put the kettle on? I get the feeling I’m going to need some tea.”

“Yes!” The Doctor said enthusiastically and then he backpedaled. “So long as you’re not too tired to talk…”

“No, I’m fine. A cuppa will certainly help, though.”

They started moving towards the kitchen. Rose pulled her hoodie close around her as she realized how scantily dressed she was in front of the Doctor. She hadn’t been paying much attention to what pajamas she was wearing when she left her room earlier. She had on her favorite lavender camisole with matching shorts; not exactly risqué but it still left a bit of skin exposed and she only had her hoodie with her.

As they walked down the corridor Rose suddenly felt self-conscious. She just wanted to get to the kitchen so she would at least have the table between her and the Doctor.

The Doctor, on the other hand was a ball of nervous energy; he was practically vibrating with it. He ran scenarios through his head.

What was the best way to approach this conversation? How was he going to convince Rose to start holding his hand again? That, he’d discovered, was something he'd missed more than he thought.

Most importantly, though, how could he convince her to trust him again? The subtle way she was pulling away from him made him want to follow after her desperately. It hurt the way she protected herself against him.

Oh Rassilon, how was he going to fix this?

“So, what is it that we need to discuss?” Rose asked as they arrived in the kitchen. She was rather nervous about the Doctor’s sudden need to talk. She turned the stove on and filled the kettle with water as the Doctor pulled a couple of cups from the cupboard. The Doctor looked at Rose while she set to making some tea for them both.

“We have some important things to discuss. Weeellll, I have some rather important things to say. Things that really need to be said.” The Doctor became flustered as he tried to come up with the best way to break the tension between them.

“Okay,” Rose said as calmly as she could, although she felt the urge to the leave the room as quickly as possible, “go on then.”

The Doctor took a deep breath.

“We’ve had a few rather…rough adventures recently.” The Doctor glanced at Rose but her face remained impassive.

“Particularly after Sarah Jane and,” the Doctor paused for a second to keep his voice steady, “Reinette.”

Rose stiffened. She'd expected the Doctor to never speak about the King's mistress again, so this was quite a bit unsettling. She wanted to talk to the Doctor again after such a long period of tense silence on board the TARDIS, but not about the woman he was unable to keep.

This was going to be excruciating; she didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to know how much he missed her or how much he needed to express how painful her loss was for him; it wasn't fair to her. It was not fair at all, but of course, life was never fair.

The Doctor continued undeterred.

“We haven’t talked very much since the events on the spaceship and, well…”

The Doctor finally looked up at Rose and he could tell that she was not comfortable with where this conversation was going. He could read her so easily and knew that he would have to pick his next words very carefully.

“I screwed up.” The Doctor words were soft, but in the silent kitchen they may as well have been shouted in an amphitheater.

Rose’s heart stopped for a moment.

“Wha’?” She said rather dumbly.

The Doctor gazed at her steadily.

“I made some mistakes these past few weeks. I never told you about Sarah Jane or any of my other companions. Not only that, but I never apologized to you after Reinette.”

“You don’t have to apologize about Reinette, Doctor.” Rose dropped her eyes to her hands and started tracing her fingertips across the tabletop.

The tea kettle whistled and Rose got up to pour herself a cup. The Doctor watched her move around the kitchen for milk and sugar, but did not rise to get himself any tea. He loved the way she moved. She was graceful, but she had a confidence about her that was visible in her body language and even after everything that happened she still moved with purpose. She was magnificent. 

“Rose, what happened between Reinette and I-“ The Doctor began.

“Is not any of my business.” Rose cut him off and shot him a rather icy look. “No offense, Doctor, but what happened or didn’t happen between you and Madame de Pompadour is not something I feel comfortable discussing. And that really is not what the problem is.”

Rose was tired of beating around the bush, tired of avoiding the Doctor, tired of feeling hurt and sad, and really just flat out tired in general. Her patience finally snapped.

“The problem isn’t with what happened in France, it’s what happened on the spaceship. You left us, Doctor. You left Mickey and me on a spaceship while you went gallivanting off to France and you didn’t even think you would be able to come back.” Rose was angry. Furious at everything.

The Doctor was too stunned by Rose’s sudden outburst to interrupt.

“You saw what happened on that spaceship. You saw what those machines did to the crew of that ship; tearing those people to pieces and using them for parts. You saw what they were capable of, Doctor. What if those things had not shut down when you left? What if there had still been more of them on that ship?” Rose’s voice rose as she continued. “Why couldn’t we use the TARDIS to go through the mirror? If a horse could get through it, then why couldn't a time machine in the shape of a phone box do it?”

She tried to calm herself for a moment because she knew shouting at him wasn’t what she wanted. However, she wasn’t very successful as all the stress and exhaustion from the past few weeks caught up to her.

“Your life is not safe, I know that. But what I don’t understand is why you’ve become so reckless. What happened to you during your regeneration? Was it your regeneration, or have you just lost interest in us? Are we no longer entertaining to you? Do you want new people to show off to? Was that just an empty promise you gave me outside the chip shop? Just to shut me up-“

Rose slapped her hand over her mouth; her eyes wide as she realized what she'd accused him of.

The Doctor who was sitting in stunned silence felt her last words like a blow to his stomach; he could feel her anger and hurt as she kept getting louder and louder with each accusation.

“No!” He shouted. “Rose, no, I-I didn’t mean it like that! I never,” the Doctor paused, “I did not make that promise to you because I was trying to calm your fears. I said it, because it’s true. Or, at least it was until I…” He trailed off and looked at Rose, who at that very moment looked as though she wanted nothing more than for the floor to just give way beneath her.

“Rose, I don’t regret saving Reinette and I know you are probably well aware of that. You know I never regret saving someone, but I do regret how I went about it. I acted rashly and I am so, so sorry that you feel betrayed by my actions. I guess this regeneration has a few quirks that make me act in ways that I would not have before, but it is not because I feel bored or not as entertained by you, as you put it.”

Rose flinched at his last words. The Doctor got up and walked over to her, carefully putting his hands on her shoulders. He gently pulled her to her feet.

“Rose, I’m not good with expressing how I feel about certain things and I know I have a tendency to ramble on and on about topics that are not important to the situation, but I would never, ever think you dull or boring. Rose, you made me better; you make me want to live. After everything I’ve lost, after everything I've done, you are the one person that brought me out of the terrible place I was in when you first met me. You remember how I was, all gruff and angry. I felt betrayed by the universe because of everything I've had to sacrifice to save it. Everything I've lost to prevent the Daleks from succeeding. You changed that, Rose. You changed me, healed my damaged mind after the Time War and I can never repay everything you've done for me. Rose you’re my savior, my best friend, and I am truly sorry if I’ve ever made you feel any less than that.”

Tears were in Rose’s eyes as she looked at the Doctor. This was probably one the most unexpected, brilliant, and yet heartbreaking moment she had experienced with the Doctor.

He was finally talking.

It wasn’t as though he never talked; lord, did he ever have a gob. But not like this; this was different. Something was changing, but what that something was had Rose slightly nervous.

“Rose, I…” The Doctor choked a bit, but pushed forward with what he needed to say. “Rose, I need you. Not only that, but I need you with me because I can't imagine a life without my Rose Tyler.”

Rose stared, she was completely speechless.

The Doctor was already on edge and she wasn’t answering, he began to think that he might have gone too far. He opened his mouth to try and salvage what he could when Rose interrupted him.

“You-you need me? You still need me? And you want me to stay?” Rose continued to stare at the Doctor.

This caused the Doctor to blink.

“Wha’? Of course I want you to stay! I never wanted you to leave.” The Doctor was genuinely perplexed and then a horrible thought occurred to him, twisting his insides viciously.

“Do-do you want to leave?” He asked softly, desperately trying to control his fear. He was scared of losing her, scared that he'd already lost her.

“No! No, I don’t want to leave, but I wasn’t sure, not after everything that happened. I wasn’t sure that you wanted me to stay.” Rose looked away to calm her unsteady heartbeat.

“After you regenerated it was like you couldn’t stand to get too close and I thought that you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

The Doctor swallowed roughly at this. He knew that she had noticed his behavior, how he tried to stay away from her in case he fell for her anymore than he already had, but as he realized earlier it was far too late now.

He was completely and truly in love with this woman in front of him.

“I’m sorry and I won’t lie, I tried to put some distance between us, but it’s not for the reasons you think.” The Doctor reached down between them and took Rose’s hands in his own. He suppressed a shudder that ran through him at finally getting to touch her again. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed this. Just how much a simple touch of her hands could calm him.

Yup, far too late to push her away.

“I need you Rose and after I regenerated it made me realize that I needed you more than ever and it terrified me. It still terrifies me. I’m a Time Lord and the Time Lords were not a an affectionate race. In fact, they were an outright stuffy bunch.” He still felt a painful sting whenever he thought about his lost people, but he realized how dull that ache had become since he met Rose.

“When you saved me that night with Autons, Rose, I knew you were something special. So very special that I asked you to come with me twice. Weeellll, three times now,” He gave her a goofy grin, “but you made me feel wanted and I didn’t feel so alone in the universe anymore. Losing my home will always haunt me, but you give me a reason to keep moving forward and I will always be grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Please Rose, never doubt that. This life, it truly is better with two, right?”

Rose finally let her guard drop after his admission. She broke into a wide smile and let out a happy, if tearful giggle. He wanted her to stay and she couldn’t be happier. The Doctor wasn’t perfect, but neither was she and she made many mistakes with him too. However, this was a good start and he was finally being honest with her. Rose may not know how he felt about her, but for now it was good enough to be his best friend again.

“Yeah?” Rose said cheekily.

The Doctor grinned manically. “Yes!” The Doctor was thrilled, beyond thrilled, ecstatic! He had his Rose back.

Rose looked thoughtful for a moment. “Doctor, can I ask something, though? Something, um, slightly personal?”

The Doctor noticed her expression and knew that they would come to this part in the conversation, but at that moment he would have told her anything. Well, almost anything. “Yes.”

“Did you love her?”

The Doctor carefully thought for a moment before he answered.

“I loved her like I love the human race.” He said. “She was intriguing and clever and so very human. I was attracted to her strength of character, especially for a woman of that era. And in many ways, she reminded me of you.”

Rose was shocked for split second. “In what way?” Rose couldn’t possibly think of how she was in any way like Reinette.

“She was brave like you.” The Doctor couldn’t help the way his voice softened at his last few words.

“Rose, you are so very brave. And I guess that was what I found most intriguing about her, but I didn’t love her. Not like that. Not like y-“ The Doctor cut himself off quickly.

Coward, he thought, always a coward.

“She was a special woman, no doubt, but she was not meant for me nor I for her. And I believe, near the end she understood that too. She'd seen parts of my memory and I think she saw something very important there. Someone important. Someone I needed so very much.” The Doctor beamed at Rose as she finally grasped what he was implying. Her grin took his breath away.

He may not be able to say the words, but they really didn’t need them. The Doctor and his Rose. Rose and her Doctor. Because they knew, oh, they knew.

“Well then,” Rose smiled warmly, “where should we go next?”

The Doctor straightened his tie and grinned thoughtfully. “Weeeeeelllll, I believe the Caltory Asteroid Belt is most visible from the Schaltoric moons around springtime. Of course, we could always go meet Casanova, er, actually let’s not go meet him. OH, I know. Appopa Sattori 7. The most amazing flower festival in four galaxies! Sound good?”

Rose matched his excitement with a resounding “Yes!”

As the Doctor and Rose chattered about their next adventure, a figure that had woken up after hearing Rose’s shouting earlier was leaning against a wall in the corridor. 

He smiled.

About damn time, Mickey thought, those two were a right pain these past few weeks. He didn’t know how much more he could take of the cold, tense atmosphere that had surrounded the Doctor and Rose. Mickey was glad to see them make up. He may love Rose, but it was past tense for her now. He knew that their relationship had run its course. He was happy for her, but now he was going to be a third wheel. Oh well, Mickey thought, I will just have to find something else to fight for then. And with that, Mickey Smith took one last look at the happy couple and walked back to his room with a smile on his face.


End file.
